A Question or 7 on Insecurity….

So…. Week #3 of “bubbling,” irritated skin & ridiculous pain in my low back & hips. Unfortunately, after several weeks of busting my ass to maintain some semblance health, I’ve tapped out; Taken a break for a few days. Those breaks tend to include wine, several IPA’s & poor sleeping habits. But fuck it! I’m pain-free in the moment. Currently, the bumps/keloids I have on the back of my head are engorged with blood/pus & itch alot. Tea tree oil helps dry them out & alleviate some of the irritation. Sciatica has reared its ugly head & has my right leg feeling like “dead weight.” I woke up dragging the damn thing out of bed, rather than walking on it…. And despite wearing a do-rag, my head still managed to leak “goo” onto my pillowcase. I hate this shit; Being “gimpy” & “leaky.” Could be worse though. Imagine that it’s not my leg or head that’s “gimpy & leaky,” but another part of my body. DODGED THAT BULLET!

INSECURITIES…. We all have them. I mentioned a couple of mine above. Yes, I have more than a couple. Hard to believe, I know. I’ll share eventually. Maybe. Just no time soon.

So a funny thing occurred last week. It was only funny because I noticed. But this guy walks in with his girlfriend, parents & one of their friends, to a brewery I frequent… The girlfriend wasn’t a beer drinker & clearly dissatisfied with the decision to be here. Hell, she walked in forking a salad with a vigorous effort. Who walks into a brewery eating a fucking salad? Anyway…. At some point, her & I made eye contact. It just happened to garner a reciprocated smile the boyfriend caught. I nodded his direction, smiling the entire time; Antagonizing, I’m sure…. Well, he made his way from the bar with a few beers & sat extra-close to his lady. She clearly wasn’t expecting it, as she pulled away with a questionable look. Here’s the funny thing: I was there to see someone else. This guy’s insecurities “enticed” me to antagonize him a lil bit. Or at least, made it easier for me to do it. Yeah…. I can be a cocky ass sometimes. Oooops?

So what is it that makes us insecure? Are they perceived shortcomings? Who are they perceived by? Are these perceptions within our control? Why don’t we take the necessary steps to change what we don’t like? Where’s the hiccup? We work our asses off to be great employees, parents, friends & family members. So why don’t we take the time to be great to ourselves? Improve upon our perceived insecurities & flaws? If with everything we do, there’s a 50% chance of failure vs. success, why not just DO SOMETHING, headed in the direction of what we want for ourselves?


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