Let’s start this shit out right. Congrats to the homie Nic on buying her 1st house by herself! That’s absolutely awesome. Ride that feeling you have now & keep doing great things….Namely, turning that sandbox to a lawn! And after that, turn water to wine! It was nice to see that cheesy, “Chipmunks” grin on your face during our chat. I’m looking forward to visiting once the temperature hits the 60’s or 70’s.
109 miles traveled on the bike…. In just the first week of July. What have I been doing? BEASTIN’! The short-term goal, is to bike 100 miles in a day. Long-term? Across the country & to Florida. I’ll definitely be wearing a cape when I do that!
And because she gave me the idea for this post during a regular conversation, I’d like to give thanks to the “Floridian Pikey.” She commented on my most recent accomplishment as being “quite inspiring.” And that’s kind of the theme today. We all have that “THING” in us, that propels us forward. Not everyone grabs ahold of it & uses it though. I guess for me, it’s knowing that Eva is watching me every day. I’ve been emboldened by this kid, to do things unimaginable. She doesn’t know it, but I think her greatness & demeanor is rubbing off on me; Changing me.
Earlier in the week, Eva asked me, “What do you do with that anger you still have in you Dad?” And I told her, “I use it on my bike rides. I recall everytime I felt slighted, doubted, taken for granted, done wrong…. And I use it as fuel. I imagine the people driving by, looking at me, waiting for me to fail; To quit alongside the road, so they can point & laugh.” What I received was one of the strangest looks on her face. I couldn’t decipher it, so I asked, “Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m sure you got it in you too.”
Eva: “Ummmmm, no Dad. Not everyone has that problem.”
Roderick: “It’s not a problem. I release all that shit when I ride.”
Eva: “And then you pile it back on. I’m not angry about anything. So what do I do?”
Roderick: “I don’t know? I’ve never worked out, not being pissed off. Think happy thoughts?”
Eva: “It can’t hurt….”
We both chuckled & I forget where the conversation went from there. But that next bike ride by myself a couple of days later was an experience. I was going back & forth between Hans Zimmer & Steve Jablonsky movie scores. I settled on Zimmer & his “Man of Steel” soundtrack. I usually have a mix of “angry rap” with my ride. But this day, I went with something different. I don’t know why…. Perhaps the fantastic weather had something to do with it. A couple of miles in, I realize: I’m NOT getting angry. My hips hurt. My ass hurts. I couldn’t even muster the energy to manufacture something to piss me off. Tried thinking of my ex-wife. No good. Hell, I thought of writing her a “Thank you” letter. Tried thinking of my crazy mother. Nope. Not even pissed at her. Our shit happened. Oh well. Dad abandoned me. Nothing. I couldn’t get mad about anything.
So I thought “happy thoughts.” Or let’s say, “Positive thoughts.” I’m living my nondescript, “Bob McCall” dream life…. I’ve got my kid…. She’s blossoming & growing up well…. I’m in pretty good shape. You get the point. Positive thoughts breed positive results. I got this huge surge of adrenaline, forgot about the pain I was in & the next 6.5 miles were “cake.”
There was this song titled “Terraforming.” Absolutely amazing piece. I put it on repeat while riding because it “stuck.” But I recall it from the movie, in which Zod was attempting to make Earth’s atmosphere like that of Krypton. Not a good deal for humans! But I realized something: Eva in essence, is doing that to me; I’m changing (terraforming), to Eva’s atmosphere.
Terraforming (literally, “Earth-shaping”) of a planet, moon, or other body is the hypothetical process of deliberately modifying its atmosphere, temperature, surface topography or ecology to be similar to the environment of Earth to make it habitable by Earth-like life.
I’ve been on this “HIGH” all week. It’s awkward to let go of shit, I figured I was burdened to carry; Anger. I like the freedom of thought it allows. I’m beginning to see the “positives” in my life. Speaking of which: It’s sunny outside now. And I’ve got cabin-fever! Time to ride. (Pardon any grammatical/spelling errors. I’m really trying to get outside.)
Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement. I really appreciate them. Sometimes, I’m self-absorbed & forget to say it, but you ALSO, inspire me to keep on pedaling. Be well & take care.