Be it in the yard, on this keyboard, the bicycle or parenting…. I’m headed towards “Expert” status in one area or another. But if I’m being honest, it probably won’t be in the yard. Hay fever is a son-of-a-bitch, I just can’t defeat. I’m still “on tilt” since traveling to Central Oregon last week. That place really triggered my allergies. But “I’ll be back,” Rebby. No worries.
Eva is still keeping me on my toes. I’ve learned a valuable lesson in dealing with her…. For a second time: Not every fight is worth the headache. When Eva moved out here in February, she told me she wanted to sell her art & get to law school (University of Washington hopefully). And since art selling is more immediate, one can only imagine the pressure I’ve placed upon the kid. Recently (Since the two elbows to the chin), I’ve taken a “hands off” approach & received more hugs of adoration. So I’ll keep that going.
Saw Izabella the other day while in Portland… Her major? Psychology. Ugh…. I’m not enthused with her decision. But I’m here for her…. Obviously. And there’s honor in any legal profession. So I shouldn’t bitch & moan. Last I heard from her though, she was undecided. I suggested “General Studies,” until her mind was made up. Clearly, someone else is in her ear…. Or she’s just doing the opposite of whatever I suggest, out of spite. JUST KIDDING! Amazingly, I’m not really tripping OR “butt-hurt,” on the selection of her major. I just want her to have as much financial security & passion for her “career,” as possible. ALL THAT BEING SAID…. Hard-headed, lil shit, should look to become a doctor, lawyer or Laker. Oooops! Got my shit mixed in there…. She can’t be a Laker! Seeing her now…. Goddamn, it’s hard. She’s an adult now; No longer my “Lil Izzy-B,” but a grown-ass woman…. Set to live & die by her own decisions. One that doesn’t know shit! I’ll let y’all know, just like I let her know: “I’m watching.”
I believe 3 Dog Night said it best: “One is the loneliest number….” And that is the topic, this time around: Loneliness & relationships.
I’ve been feeling a certain way lately…. Continue the promiscuous, single lifestyle. Or settle myself down & wait for “the one;” Go celibate for the next 5 years & focus on ONLY raising Eva & getting her to college expediently. Truth be told, I’ve been feeling lonely since I lost my sushi partner. I’ve even voiced this to Eva. I honestly didn’t know what the fuck I was feeling, until someone said the word 2 (lonely), 3 weeks ago. And now I’m faced with the “Why?”
I have friends…. All of which the “close” ones are hours, states & even countries away….But there are local acquaintances I’ve gotten to know over the last 9 months or so. I get my fair share of sex, here & there, so that’s not an issue. Eva is with me full time. And with no visitation being granted to her mother, Eva is 100%, here FULL TIME; I get no breaks honestly. So why do I feel lonely? I mean…. I always have “someone” nearby it seems. So why this overwhelming (at times), feeling of loneliness? After a fairly long day at work today, I believe I have this feeling of loneliness, because I’m not getting what I want out of my immediate & intimate relationships. I’ll get companionship from one. But no form of intimacy. I’ll get sex from another. But no semblance of intimacy during the act. It’s just sex…. And I can get the same feeling from my hand, without the expectations or headache, of dealing with another person. So…… WHAT IN THE HELL IS MY MOTIVATION? I don’t know honestly…. I just know that I feel myself changing with the season (True Gemini). And right now, I’m getting ready to hibernate for the fall/winter. What I found was productive during my previous bout of “loneliness,” was getting a girlfriend. And Terralar was great. She actually assisted me in getting myself “out there” in the world. Full disclosure: It’s ALL her fault. She also dumped me, so as to leave me standing on my own two feet within the social world; THANK YOU TERRALAR! Best gift EVER! The dumping…. This social shit is for the birds!
My thought process is simple on relationships & I’ll share it: Relationships are simple. How much of the other person’s shit/baggage, do you want to tolerate? If you can handle it, stick around. If not, bounce on a muthafucka. Saves everyone time. Instead, folks lie of their intentions & “run game,” on unsuspecting folks. Or they hang-on for the absolute wrong reasons.
Be true to yourself & with your words…. Most importantly, TO YOURSELF. Let go of anything cancerous or non-conducive within your lifestyle.
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE.
Thank you for reading. Peace-Out & be well.
Thank all of you that read this blog. I truly appreciate you & the time you spend with me. I don’t only do this for me. But I do it for you as well.