Long-Awaited Rant Before Hibernation

The time between posts seems to grow larger, the colder it gets. It’s not a coincidence. My body wants to hibernate for the fall/winter months. No bullshit: I’ve felt like doing, absolutely nothing for the last 2 months. It hurts to go outside. Wind, rain & temperatures under 50 degrees, have me huddled with an electric blanket, anytime I’m in the house. If I remember to do so, I’m gonna research battery-operated electric blankets. Eva had a small, short, outdoor performance this afternoon with her dance class & drama club. It was 52 degrees at showtime….. And I was wishing I had purchased a home in Florida.

This particular post has been re-written & scrapped, at least half-a-dozen times. Shit keeps happening. Life keeps chuggin’ along. And more often than not, I’ve got something fairly intelligent to type about. So………. What’s new? Or “old,” but feels “all brand new?” Well, I’m still riding the high of winning that child support thing. It’s not the monetary thing so much though. It’s the fact that my daughter (Ayanna), will have to talk to me soon, if she wants access to her 6 years of free college. And who turns that down out of spite? Exactly. Not even one of my stubborn-ass daughters. I’m looking forward to that conversation in 7 months or so. Another good thing in my life currently, is that Izabella is calling me on a weekly basis to discuss (of all things), “adulting.” Work, school, navigating & cultivating new relationships, customers (she works retail), etc…. It’s amazing! I’m so proud of the decisions she’s making…. For the most part…. Those that I know of…..Except for the boyfriend. I’ll never be “ok” with a “boyfriend” until she’s 30. And even then, it’s definitely on a case by case basis. And finally, there’s Eva…. I can’t say enough, how much better she makes me on a daily basis. Her greatness & the fact that she’s here with me, breathes life into my days. We have been exactly what the other needed at this point of our lives. I allow her to be the young lady she wants to be. And she calls me on my shit…. EVERYDAY.

And now…. What this post initially started as…. Bear with me folks. But it’s selfishness.

At what point does our selfishness, become too much? Does it take another person to call out when your moral compass is out of whack? Do you possess the discipline or integrity to do the right thing? What if what’s “right,” is only “right” by you & your desires? Do you draw the line, when your selfishness hurts someone else? Or do you pick & choose who you hurt, based on some meritorious scale? Just something I’ve been pondering, as I’ve found, that I use a meritorious scale. I won’t go out of my way to hurt someone. But if I don’t like a person, I sure as hell won’t consider their feelings when making a decision. Where do you stand, on something I’ve been pondering for a couple of months now?


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